Babysitting
by Aurora M. Tepes
Summary: Sephiroth finally gets an assignment, but it's not exactly a normal one...Chapter 12 finally up.
1. The Assignment

**Author's Note:** Now, I know that this fic is highly improbable, but it's just…interesting. I came up with this while watching Advent Children the other day. Granted, Loz, Yazoo, and Kadaj are all clones of Sephy, and Kadaj clearly mentions in AC that he never knew Sephiroth, I thought this would be funny. So, don't expect any seriousness. It's all insanity from here on out. I don't know how many chapters there will be. By the way, in this fic, Sephiroth is 20, Loz is 10, Yazoo is 7, and Kadaj is 5. Characters will be OOC most of the time.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 1: The Assignment**

It had been dull now for a while. No new assignments, no fights, no disturbances, nothing. Well, at least he didn't have to spend any more time around that creep Hojo, right?

That was what he had thought. But he had orders. He was to report to the Shin-Ra Labs immediately. Something about an urgent need of restraining…something. So he did as he was told. He reported to the labs and waited for a few minutes before that creepy Hojo approached him.

Gah, that guy always gave Sephiroth goosebumps. There was something about the way Hojo stared at him, like he was a bug in a jar. Sephiroth shivered.

"Is it cold in here to you?" Hojo cackled eerily. Sephiroth shook his head. The two stared at each other for a moment. "I suppose you want to know what your assignment is, then." Sephiroth nodded.

_Maybe at this rate I can leave soon,_ Sephiroth thought. _Besides, anything in the labs can't be too difficult, right?_

"I have to go to Icicle Inn for a month and I'm taking most of my staff with me," Hojo stated. "However, those who I am leaving behind are…incapable of handling certain…charges. Hence, I am forced to ask you to do a simple task: take care of the three charges until such time as I return." Sephiroth blinked a few times.

"You want me to…baby-sit?" Sephiroth asked, wide-eyed. Hojo chuckled eerily again, making Sephiroth even more nervous.

"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as…guarding them." Sephiroth was speechless. He was a member of SOLDIER, Shin-Ra's elite army! How dare they put him is such disgrace. Besides, this was Turk work, not a job for a SOLDIER!

Unfortunately for Sephiroth, he had been too caught up in his inward tirade to catch the mad scientist's instructions. The guy was currently walking away slowly, apparently leading the way to his charges. Sephiroth mentally cursed himself for his ADHD. He had to walk quickly to catch up to the blabbering man.

"…and remember to feed them no more than 3 times a day. I can't have them getting slack. The youngest one is a little forceful and quite cunning. Watch out for the middle one, he can be very manipulative. And the oldest is a crybaby, so don't fall for that act," Hojo was saying. "They are to be in bed, lights out, at 8:30. Any later and they won't get enough sleep, (though I'm starting to wonder whether the middle one is developing insomnia). Don't give the youngest one any sugar or he'll go off like a rocket. And make sure there's at least a little light in the room where they sleep or the oldest will be crying all night."

"Wait! Do I leave them _here_!" Sephiroth demanded. Hojo shook his head.

"Take them back to your…whatever you live in. Unfortunately, the environment will be uncontrolled, but it will have to do since you can't stay in the labs all night." Hojo had stopped in front of a large, stainless steel door. He entered some codes into it and it slid open.

There were three children sitting on the floor together. They all had the same silver hair and the same green, cat-like eyes. They looked up when Sephiroth and Hojo entered. The amount of white in the room hurt Sephiroth's eyes and it took him a moment to adjust to it. The children hadn't moved, well, except for the youngest, who was perpetually bouncing.

"Sephiroth, this is the oldest, Loz," Hojo explained, pointing to the tallest and most muscular of the three. His short hair was gelled back into one spike. He eyed Sephiroth with suspicion. "This is the middle one, Yazoo." Hojo pointed to the second tallest, but he had the slightest build. He had the longest hair, and his bangs seemed to insist upon falling into his eyes. He had a blank, emotionless look on his face and his head was cocked to one side. "And this is the youngest, Kadaj." Kadaj was the smallest. He was built more like Yazoo than Loz. His shoulder length hair swayed back and forth as he fidgeted, he seemed determined not to keep still. Hojo turned to them. "Boys, Sephiroth will be taking care of you for the next few days. Behave." In seconds, Kadaj was by Sephiroth's side.

"CAN I HOLD YOUR SWORD!" he screamed. Hojo knelt down.

"Remember what I said, no pointy or sharp objects." Kadaj pouted. Hojo stood and turned back to Sephiroth. "The emergency numbers are on the fridge if you need them, and so is the number where you can reach me if you need to. Try to keep them out of trouble."

So it was that Sephiroth had entered the Shin-Ra Labs empty handed and left with three hyper children strapped in the back seat of his car. Well, two hyper children and one child that seemed too quiet.

He sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot. The youngest, Kad…whatever his name was, was staring out the window, babbling on about something having to do with the impaled bodies of giant pink bunnies. Sephiroth made a mental note to keep the kid away from his stuffed animal collection. The oldest, Loz (or was it Lars?), was staring at him in wonder and kept asking Sephiroth about what he referred to as "gravity defying bangs." The middle one, Yazoo (Sephiroth could actually remember his name because he had tried not to laugh at it), stared straight ahead with his head cocked to the side. Sephiroth had a feeling he'd get along best with Yazoo.

Yazoo suddenly leaned forward and looked up at Sephiroth.

"Did you know you look like a vampire?" he asked softly. Sephiroth stared down at him in shock. The kid had been completely silent the whole time, not making one noise. But of all the things that he would've thought would come out of Yazoo's mouth, Sephiroth never expected _that_ question. Sephiroth sighed.

"This'll be one loooooong month," Sephiroth mumbled.

"You shouldn't mumble! People won't understand what you're saying!" Kadaj quipped happily.

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**Author's Note:** Well, there's the first chapter! Tell me what you think! No flames please. I shall try to update this fic weekly along with my HP/FF7 crossover. So I'll update this on Wednesdays and update that on Saturdays.

Preview to Chapter 2: "Yazoo, put the gun down! Loz, get away from the oven! Kadaj, WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!"


	2. Guns and Kitchens and Hair Dye, Oh My!

**Author's Note:** Again, Sephy is 20, Loz is 10, Yazoo is 7, and Kadaj is 5. There will be some angsty chapters in this fic, (just because I have so much fun when I get to play with characters like Yazoo). Now, in the "Author's Notes," I will warn you if a chapter is going to be angsty. They might not be the most important chapters, so if you want to, you can skip them.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 2: Guns and Kitchens and Hair Dye, Oh My!**

Finally, after about an hour, Sephiroth had managed to get to the apartments in one piece, (after some close calls caused by Kadaj jumping into his lap and taking over the steering wheel), and drag the three kids inside. Loz was easy to persuade with the promise of hair gel and pizza, Yazoo had gone into a semi-catatonic state and hence was _very_ easy to get up to the apartment, but it was that little demon Kadaj that was giving him so much trouble! Sephiroth was praying that the landlord didn't notice the nail marks on the walls. He really liked his apartment and would rather _not_ get kicked out…_again_.

But, the great SOLDIER had managed to get them into the one bedroom apartment all the same. Granted, after he got Kadaj in, he nearly tripped over Yazoo who had conveniently decided that the doorway was a good place to sit and stare at the wall in confused amazement of…something. Loz seemed to have taken an interest in the kitchen… That can't be a good thing!

"Loz! Get in here!" Sephiroth yelled as he stepped over Yazoo and set Kadaj on the couch. Loz was in the room in seconds, sniffling. Yazoo pushed himself up, walked over to Loz and wiped the tears from the other child's face, as if telling him not to cry. "We're going over house rules. You're staying with me for a month, so if you don't want to get in trouble, you'll do as I tell you. Rule number 1: Ne- What is it Kadaj?"

"HOW LONG'S A MONTH?" Kadaj asked. Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

"30 days, (or 31, but thankfully only 30 this month). Now, rule number 1: ne- Yes, Kadaj?"

"HOW LONG'S A DAY?"

"24 hours. Rule number 1… _what is it, Kadaj?_"

"HOW LONG'S A HOUR?" Sephiroth was seething.

"60 minutes. _Rule number 1…" _Sephiroth made some odd noises, obviously trying to hold in the anger he felt towards the angelic-faced Kadaj as he once again said, "Yes Kadaj?"

"HOW LONG'S A MINUTE?"

"_60 seconds_. Now, rule number 1-"

"I NEEDDA GO POTTY!" Kadaj shouted. Sephiroth was livid.

"You can go potty _after_ I tell you the rules. Rule number 1: ne-"

"BUT I NEEDA GO NOW!"

"WAIT! Now…rule number 1: never go into the bedroom. Rule number 2: don't interrupt me. Rule number 3… Are you listening to me Yazoo!" Sephiroth demanded. Yazoo just continued to stare at him as if he wasn't there. "Okay, I guess so. Rule number 3: always do what I say. Rule number 4: answer me when I ask you something or when I talk to you. And rule number 5: stay outta my way. Okay, Kadaj, the bathroom's the first door on your right… Kadaj?" Sephiroth looked around. "Loz, where's Kadaj!" Loz was sniffling again. Yazoo moved to wipe away Loz's tears, but Sephiroth caught him first.

"B…bath…th…room…" Loz managed between sobs. Sephiroth scowled, let go of Yazoo, and stormed to the bathroom. There was a sound of the toilet flushing and Kadaj exited.

"HI MR. SEPHY!" Kadaj greeted happily. Sephiroth sighed in frustration. He looked out the window, the sun had already set. Did he miss lunch _and_ supper? Blast it. Sephiroth took a few deep breaths before grabbing Kadaj's wrist and dragging him back into the living room.

"We're having pizza tonight, after that we're going to sleep," he announced. He looked at the clock. 9 pm. He panicked.

_Hojo's gonna kill me!_ he thought.

"Uh…Actually, we'll skip dinner and just go to sleep!" he stated hurriedly. He felt something tugging at his coat. He looked down to see Yazoo staring up at him. "What is it!" Yazoo looked over at the kitchen. "What? You want food?" Yazoo nodded slowly, still with that weird, hazy look of his. "But it's past your bedtime!"

"We have a bedtime?" Kadaj asked in wonder. Sephiroth mentally slapped himself.

"No food tonight!" Sephiroth stated firmly. Hearing sniffling begin, he looked over at Loz. "AND NO MORE CRYING!" Loz burst into tears. Yazoo tugged on his coat again. "_WHAT_?" Yazoo looked at the kitchen again. "I.Said.No." Kadaj started bawling. Yazoo just stared up at him with these forlorn, lost eyes that melted Sephiroth's heart. (**A/N:** Yes, Yazoo used the "puppy dog eyes.") He forgot Hojo's instructions, he forgot the SOLDIER training about being mean and ruthless. He just wanted to make these little guys happy. Yazoo cocked his head to the side, smiled slightly, and led the way to the kitchen.

"YEA! PANCAKES!" Kadaj yelled, quickly over coming his river of tears. Loz grinned.

(**A/N:** Just a little grammar/spelling note here. I've noticed that too many people spell 'yea' like 'yay' and, whether from Internet typing skills or being too lazy to add another letter, spell 'yeah' like 'yea.' Remember this helpful hint, or ignore it as the frivolous idiocy of Christmas Chocobos!)

Suddenly, it was as if a spell had broken over Sephiroth. He shook his head and let go of Yazoo's hand.

"No! No pancakes! No pizza! Bed! Now!" Sephiroth shouted. Yazoo looked at him again with the puppy dog eyes. "That's not gonna work on me, ya little… But I guess a late dinner wouldn't really be _that_ harmful…" Yazoo kept the puppy dog eyes on him just in case Kadaj did something else stupid as Sephiroth, walking as if in a dream, began fixing pizza pancakes. PIZZA PANCAKES!

"Yazoo!" Loz whined. "I want _pizza_, not _pancakes_!" Kadaj was just about to throw himself into a tantrum.

"Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!" he chanted. Yazoo lost the puppy dog eyes and looked down right confused as Sephiroth kept on making pizza pancakes from scratch.

Sephiroth hummed merrily to himself as he finished the pizza pancakes and doused them in syrup. He put three pizza pancakes on each of the four plates, set the plates on the table, and got forks and milk. Loz sat at the table and began crying. Kadaj was screaming 'Pancakes' and pounding the floor with his feet and hands. Yazoo was standing in the middle of the kitchen in utter confusion, looking as if someone had jolted him out of whatever world he lived in. Sephiroth was just about to start eating when the spell broke…_again_.

"Wait…why am I eating…PIZZA PANCAKES! That's gross!" he exclaimed. Loz just shrugged, stopped crying, and began eating.

Actually, Loz had to admit, the things were pretty good. Kadaj was now screaming incoherently and pounding Sephiroth's leg. Yazoo hadn't moved an inch. Sephiroth picked up Kadaj and glared at him.

"What's going on here!" he demanded. Kadaj didn't stop screaming. Sephiroth dropped the kid and rounded on Yazoo. "You! You made me do this! HOW COULD YOU! Don't you know that pizza pancakes are the worst abomination in the history of the world!"

Yazoo just kept staring in that agonizingly confused way. Sephiroth stormed over to him.

"What the heck is wrong with you weirdos!" he exclaimed. A fork clattered to the floor.

"W-w-w-weirdos?" Loz sobbed. Sephiroth was fed up.

"BED! NOW!" he shouted. He stormed out of the room and the three kids heard the door to his room slam dully. Kadaj shrugged and helped himself to some pizza pancakes. Yazoo just kept staring.

"Abomination?" he whispered carefully. Loz got down out of his chair, dried his tears, and led Yazoo over to the table, helping him up.

"Don't worry!" Kadaj said through a mouth-full of pizza pancake. "We'll get him back…" He swallowed his mouth-full and grinned evilly.

---

Sephiroth woke up in the morning and came into the living room…only to trip over a conveniently placed Yazoo, (in the doorway again). Sephiroth cursed and headed into the bathroom. He heard small feet padding by in the hall. After he had washed his face and brushed his teeth, (through which time he didn't even look in the mirror, it was ritual), he looked up and realized something was _very_ wrong!

He stormed into the living room and stopped short. He smelled eggs, bacon, biscuits, and pancakes cooking. But there, standing in the middle of the room was absent minded, (literally), Yazoo…with a gun. Kadaj entered from the kitchen, took one look at Sephiroth, and fell over laughing. Loz stuck his head in from the kitchen and stifled a laugh.

"Well, gotta get back to the oven, make sure the biscuits don't burn!" he stated before disappearing again.

"Yazoo, put the gun down! Loz, get away from the oven! Kadaj, WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!" Sephiroth shouted. Yazoo was still looking at the wall as if it weren't there, but he obeyed and set the gun on the ground. Loz took the biscuits out, (the final part of his breakfast), and stepped away from the oven. Kadaj just kept laughing. Sephiroth's hair was…_pink_.

**Author's note:** Well, this was fun! Tell me what you think!

**Preview to Chapter 3:** "Tell me again why you're afraid of bannanas?"


	3. Eat It

**Author's Note:** Basically, all characters are mostly OOC. And because of some _questions_ by reviewers, I must explain that, yes, you can have angsty chapters in an otherwise completely nonsensical story. There will probably be one of those and I'll save the rest of my angsty stuff for another time. Of course there will be parody/melodrama in most of the chapters. And this was inspired by watching and listening to Weird Al's "Eat It." That was a funny song/video!

Now, let me explain Yazoo's reasoning behind saying that Sephy looks like a vamp: he's pale, he's all in black (common misconception), and he does sorta have fangs…if you look at the close-up on Advent Children, he kinda looks like he has fangs. And Hojo can be very scary and at this point Sephy is a semi-insecure 20-year-old, (which is why Sephy's afraid of him). Anyway, have fun!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 3: Eat It**

It had taken a few hours, in which time he had tied Kadaj to a chair and left the other two alone, but Sephiroth had finally washed the pink out of his hair. Thank goodness it was only temporary dye!

"HI MR. SEPHY!" Kadaj yelled as he bounced in front of the bathroom door, still in the chair. Sephiroth screamed in frustration.

"WHAT IS IT!" Sephiroth yelled. Kadaj stopped bouncing and took a deep breath.

"IKNOWYOU'REALLYMADABOUTTHEPINKDYEBUTI'MREALLYSORRYANDI'MHUNGRYBUTALLYOUHAVEISBANA NASANDI'MAFRAIDOFBANANASANDLOZWON'TMAKEMOREBISCUITSANDYAZOOSHUTHIMSELFINTHEFRIDGE BECAUSEHETHINKSYOU'REAVAMPIRETHAT'LLTRYTOSUCKHISBLOODBECAUSEHE'SREADDRACULAANDHESAYS SOMEVAMPIRESCANWALKINSUNLIGHTANDHECOULDN'TSLEEPLASTNIGHTBECAUSEYOURTVWASTRYINGTOEA TMEANDLOZBURNTCOOKIES…SO HOW DID YOU SLEEP!" Kadaj exclaimed. Sephiroth stared in astonishment.

"What did Hojo put you on?" he murmured.

"HUH!" Kadaj screamed.

"Okay…Repeat what you said first…_slowly_…and no shouting," Sephiroth ordered. Kadaj nodded.

"I know you're really mad about the pink dye but I'm really sorry and I'm hungry but all you have is bananas and I'm afraid of bananas and Loz won't make biscuits and Yazoo shut himself in the fridge because he thinks you're a vampire that'll try to suck his blood because he's read Dracula and he says some vampires can walk in sunlight and he couldn't sleep last night because your TV was trying to eat me and Loz burnt cookies… So how did you sleep?" Kadaj whispered.

"You're afraid of bananas? Loz burnt cookies? Yazoo's stuck in the fridge? YAZOO SAID SOMETHING!" Sephiroth exclaimed. Kadaj smiled and nodded. Sephiroth bounded out of the door, knocking poor little Kadaj on his back, and sprinted to the kitchen. Loz was busy trying to un-burn his cookies. Sephiroth ignored him and opened the fridge.

…

……

Yazoo wasn't there.

……

…

Loz walked over to Sephiroth. He stared up at him.

"Why are you looking at the fridge like that?" he asked.

"Where's Yazoo!" Sephiroth demanded. Loz shrugged.

"Why?"

"Kadaj said he was in the fridge! Yazoo isn't in the fridge! Where is he!" Loz's eyes widened.

"He didn't mean the fridge…" Loz started.

"What _did_ he mean, then?" Sephiroth demanded, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Uh…You'd better follow me."

Loz led the way to Sephiroth's room. Sephiroth got a sense of foreboding as Loz opened that door and stepped in. Sephiroth was furious! Yazoo was in his room! …Right?

Wrong. Loz went over to the window and opened it before climbing out.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Sephiroth demanded angrily. Loz stopped and looked back in.

"You wanna know where Yazoo is, right?" he asked. Sephiroth nodded. "Then follow me."

Of all the indignities! First he was babysitting, and now this! Following a ten-year-old out of his bedroom window! What was next? A kid inside a…Oh snap!

Sephiroth hurried up to the roof where he found Loz standing beside the air conditioning unit.

"Loz, why are you-?" Sephiroth began. Loz scowled and put a finger to his lips as he opened up the sleek, gray machine.

"Yazoo has a thing for air conditioners," Loz whispered.

Yazoo had hollowed out a place inside that thing and was curled up, sleeping peacefully. Sephiroth was flabbergasted. How did that kid get in there and do that! And without his knowledge! Come to think about it, it had been a little warm in the apartment. Wait a minute…did Kadaj admit to being afraid of bananas? You know, bananas don't taste half-bad, especially when they're combined with sugar-coated cereal. Whoa! Where did _that_ come from?

Again, due to his ADHD, Sephiroth had missed Yazoo waking up. The kid was now sitting dejectedly on the ground, staring down as if he expected punishment. Sephiroth placed his hands on his hips.

"Yazoo, why did you get inside the air conditioner?" Sephiroth asked, tapping his foot. He didn't really expect an answer, but he asked anyway. Yazoo looked like he was trying to answer. He opened and closed his mouth several times before standing up, cocking his head to the side, and staring straight into Sephiroth's eyes.

"You aren't a vampire," he whispered. Sephiroth arched an eyebrow.

"What the heck?" he demanded. Yazoo pointed to the risen sun. Sephiroth threw his hands up, as if in surrender. "Ya got me, I'm not a vampire," he sighed. "Now, why did you get inside the air conditioner?" Yazoo opened his mouth to respond.

"HI MR. SEPHY!" shouted Kadaj as he bounced out of the window, still strapped to the chair.

Unluckily for Kadaj, there was nothing for him to land on for the next 50 feet. Also unfortunately for him was the fact that Sephiroth did not react quickly enough. So, the five-year-old Kadaj plummeted to the ground and Sephiroth fell beside him, (for in an effort to save the little kid, Sephiroth heroically dove to catch him while Yazoo and Loz held up signs of '9.8' and '10' respectively).

The chair broke from the fall, so Kadaj was free. He was jumping up and down.

"DOITAGAIN! DOITAGAIN!" he shouted gleefully. Sephiroth got up, grabbed Kadaj, and stormed back up to his apartment to find Loz and Yazoo waiting for him at the door. Sephiroth dropped Kadaj before securely locking the door. Kadaj took in a great breath, as if he were about to say something.

"QUIET!" Sephiroth screamed. All three kids were silent. "Okay, Loz, no more cooking unless I'm there to supervise you, Yazoo, I still don't know how you got in the air conditioner, but it doesn't matter, **_STAY AWAY FROM THE AIR CONDITIONERS!_** Yazoo, are you listening to me?" Yazoo continued to stare at Sephiroth as if he wasn't there. "And Kadaj, no more bouncing out of windows!"

…

Silence.

…

"I'M HUNGRY!" Kadaj shouted. Sephiroth scowled.

"Well, it is about lunch time," he admitted grudgingly. Kadaj grinned as Sephiroth made his way into the kitchen. "Let's see, we've got tuna casserole, biscuits, eggs, moldy bread, raw chicken, bananas, or piz… PIZZA PANCAKES! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THEM!" Sephiroth pointed a finger at Loz, accusingly. Loz started to sniffle.

"Don't cry, Loz," Yazoo whispered.

"I'm _not_ crying!" Loz insisted.

"I'M AFRAID OF BANANAS!" Kadaj screamed. Sephiroth shook his head.

"Okay, I'm making Roman Noodles. Just…go watch TV until they're ready," Sephiroth said. None of the children moved. "What's wrong with you three? GO WATCH TV!"

"WHAT'S TV!" Kadaj shouted. The others just looked at Sephiroth as if expecting an answer.

"You guys don't know what TV is?" he asked. They shook their heads. Sephiroth sighed. "C'mon, then, I'll put it on some nice cartoons for you." He led the children into the living room and turned on the TV before turning it to some kids' channel.

The three were mesmerized by it, staring unblinkingly at the screen. Sephiroth smiled and walked back into the kitchen. Finally, peace and quiet. It looked like Sephiroth had finally found something to catch their interest besides his 'gravity defying bangs.'

Suddenly, Kadaj screamed. Sephiroth sprinted into the living room.

"What is it!" he demanded. Kadaj continued screaming as he pointed to the TV screen. Dancing bananas. They were showing dancing bananas. Kadaj ran to Sephiroth and hugged his knees, causing Sephiroth to lose balance and fall backwards.

Loz laughed and Yazoo just cocked his head to the side and looked as if he'd been jolted out of whatever world he lived in. Kadaj continued to scream until Sephiroth changed the channel. Horror movie. These kids'll like a horror movie… Right?

Well, at least they were quiet again. Sephiroth made his way back into the kitchen and started boiling the water. He started to wonder though, was a horror movie all right to show these kids? Sure it was! They'd grown up in Hojo's lab! Nothing could scare them, probably…except bananas.

"Now, what to do until it's ready," Sephiroth murmured to himself. He decided that it would be a good idea to check on the kids. They were so quiet.

_BANG!_

Loz was crying, Kadaj was screaming.

Not quiet anymore! Sephiroth rushed in to find Yazoo holding a smoking gun pointed at his ruined TV. Kadaj ran behind Sephiroth and continued screaming, pointing at the TV. Loz was crying…about what, the world will never know! Yazoo put the gun down and walked over to Sephiroth, who was standing speechless, mourning the death of his TV. Yazoo tugged on Sephiroth's coat. Sephiroth looked down.

"Vampires," Yazoo whispered. Sephiroth collapsed from…some form of exhaustion, frustration, anxiety, or the three combined.

"Why didn't you just come tell me about it?" he demanded softly. Yazoo looked at the ground, again as if expecting punishment. "Well?" Loz walked over, wiping the tears from his face.

"The vampire was going to eat Kadaj!" he stated matter-of-factly. Sephiroth rolled his eyes, glared at Kadaj (who stopped screaming), and walked back into the kitchen with the three children following him.

"The stuff in the TV can't get to you unless it's on the news," Sephiroth said.

"What's news?" Kadaj asked (his voice was tired from screaming).

"A report on what's going on in the world," Sephiroth explained.

"So vampires and dancing bananas can't come through the glass and kidnap you?" Kadaj demanded.

"No, they can't. Who told you that?"

"Loz," Kadaj replied innocently. Loz looked confused.

"This is going to be one loooooooooooooooooooong month," Sephiroth reiterated under his breath. He felt someone tugging at his coat. He looked down to see Yazoo. Yazoo pointed to the boiling pot of water. It was boiling over. So now, not only was his TV ruined, his stove would be ruined too! Shin-Ra better reimburse him!

What a day!

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**Author's note:** So, how did you like it? Please review, no flames though. Hopefully I'll get another one up soon! Sorry, I didn't get one up on Wednesday. The document manager wouldn't upload. There was something else I wanted to tell you...but I forgot it. SORRY!


	4. Grocery Shopping

**Author's Note:** Thanks to rikkugirl115 who so graciously pointed out to me that Kadaj talked about the TV before I said that they didn't know what a TV was. Thanks so much, really, I wouldn't have known. As for the inconsistency, I am going to explain it thus: Kadaj picks up on things faster than his brothers, but, he forgets things easily. SO, he might know what something is one instant and completely forget about it the next. I know, it's weird.

As for where Yazoo got the gun…well I'll leave that to some subsequent chapter. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 4: Grocery Shopping**

So, the TV was ruined, the stove was ruined, and the Roman Noodles were now deemed an impossibility. Not to mention all the other food was rendered useless by Kadaj finding a spare Fire materia laying around and scorching the kitchen.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Kadaj shouted/whined. Sephiroth rolled his eyes. He had unloaded the gun, hoping there would be no further mishaps with it. Loz was busy playing with the empty gun, pretending to shoot invisible aliens while Yazoo…sat in the middle of the doorway again, causing Sephiroth to trip over him. Kadaj just wouldn't stop circling Sephiroth, demanding food.

"Fine! I'll go to the grocery store and get some food!" Sephiroth yelled. Then he stopped and thought…

Leave these little monsters in his apartment? Alone? With no supervision? The whole apartment would be on fire in no time flat! But take them with him to the grocery store? That would be murder and humiliation indeed. Not to mention the countless items he would have to pay for due to Kadaj's tantrums. But, paying for unprecedented charges at the grocery store was better than not having an apartment to live in.

"We're all going to the grocery store. Loz, put the gun down and get Yazoo to the car. Kadaj, come on," Sephiroth stated. Loz obeyed while Sephiroth tried desperately to pull the screaming 5 year-old out the door.

So once again, they all got into the car, Kadaj bouncing happily about, yelling at the top of his lungs about monkeys. Loz talked incessantly about how Hojo wouldn't let them have comic books, and Yazoo just…sat there.

They got to the grocery store without any major injuries, which was commendable because Loz found some materia under his seat and accidentally used it. It just happened to be summon materia for Hades. Every other person was inflicted with poison, confuse, berserk, and darkness. Poor Sephiroth barely got off the road in time.

Sephiroth pushed the buggy and tried to keep Kadaj from jumping in the basket. Loz slipped off to the toy isle and Sephiroth was pretty sure that Yazoo was right beside him.

"I WANNA RIDE IN THE BUGGY!" Kadaj screamed, causing a lot of undue attention to be directed their way. Sephiroth looked around nervously as he once again pulled Kadaj out of the metal carrier.

"Kadaj, you're too big to ride in the buggy. Why don't you just walk beside me?" Sephiroth suggested through clenched teeth.

"BUT I WANNA RIDE IN THE BUGGY! BUGGY! BUGGY! BUGGY! BUGGY!" Kadaj yelled. Sephiroth cringed.

"Fine! You can ride in the buggy!" he relented. He picked a cheering Kadaj up and set him in the buggy. Sephiroth let out a sigh of relief. Quiet at last. He looked down the toy isle. Yes, Loz was still there, mesmerized by army men and shiny plastic guns. He looked down.

…

Sephiroth frantically looked around. Yazoo was gone!

"Kadaj, do you see Yazoo!" Sephiroth exclaimed. Kadaj stooped humming a tuneless song and shook his head.

Sephiroth dashed back the way he'd come. Yazoo had to be here somewhere! Not the check out counters, not the doorways, not the fruit isle, not the toy isle. How could he lose a silver-haired semi-catatonic kid in a super market! Sephiroth hurried over to Loz.

"Loz, have you seen your brother?" Sephiroth demanded.

"Well, yeah," Loz responded. Sephiroth breathed a sigh of relief. "Kadaj is in the buggy."

"WHAT! No! I don't mean Kadaj. Have you seen Yazoo?" Sephiroth demanded frantically.

"Nope!" Loz went back to looking at toys. Sephiroth ran up to one of the cashiers at a lineless cash register.

"I really need help now!" he exclaimed.

"Uh…How may I help you sir?" the cashier asked slowly. She was looking at him like he was crazy.

"Look, this kid…uh…he's…he's…. He's my son! Yeah, my son! I can't find him. He was there one moment and gone the next!" Sephiroth stammered.

"What does he look like?" the cashier asked, more eager to help. Sephiroth grabbed Kadaj who cheered and grinned.

"He looks like this one, only about a foot taller, longer hair, and without the grin!"

"HELLO!" Kadaj yelled.

"Aw! He's so cute!" the cashier cooed. Sephiroth put Kadaj back in the buggy.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" he exclaimed. The cashier jumped.

"W-well sir," she stuttered. "Uh…let's see…(What am I supposed to do in these situations? Oh! Now I remember!)" Sephiroth sweat-dropped. "What's his name?"

"Yazoo." The cashier raised an eyebrow.

"That's one weird name. Okay, I'll call over the intercom." She picked up the intercom mike…thing. "Yazoo, please come to the front, your party is waiting for you." Her voice echoed all over the store.

"He's not gonna come, lady!" Kadaj said suddenly, still grinning. "I bet he didn't even hear you!" At this point, Loz ran up to them.

"DAD! DAD! Can I have one of theeeeeeeeese?" he asked, holding up a shiny silver toy gun. Sephiroth vaguely wondered if these kids had telepathy.

"No!" he snapped. "Now go put it back!" Loz started sniffling. _Oh great, here come the water works,_ Sephiroth thought.

Suddenly, a man dressed as a giant banana walked up to them.

"Hey kids! Bananas are good for you!" he stated. Kadaj started screaming. Loz pulled the toy gun out of its package and started firing the plastic balls at the man. "Ow! Hey, I was just trying to be- Ow! OW! _Stop it!_" He ran away, being pelted by plastic balls.

"Now I guess I _have _to buy that, don't I?" Sephiroth questioned, pointing to the toy gun. The cashier nodded slowly. "All I gotta $$ say is that those &$$ Shin-Ra scientists _better_ & repay me or else they're &$# gonna have some $# _serious_ pay back," Sephiroth mumbled as he took out his wallet and handed some gil to the cashier who handed him a receipt back.

The victory music played while Loz danced around with his new toy.

"I WANNA NEW TOY!" Kadaj screamed. Sephiroth cringed.

"_After_ we find Yazoo, okay?"

"OKAY DADDY!" Sephiroth sweat-dropped. Wow, that was two in one day!

As the search for Yazoo continued, Sephiroth did the shopping along the way. Pretty soon the buggy was filled with food and a new toy for both Kadaj and Yazoo. Finally, as Sephiroth was going into the bathroom with Kadaj and Loz, he tripped over something. He looked down and there was Yazoo, sitting conveniently in the doorway…again. Sephiroth yanked him up and dragged him into the room too.

After that business was done, they all went out and finished the shopping. They got home with no major mishaps, (besides Loz crying because Kadaj was whacking him over the head with a new toy sword).

**

* * *

**

**Aurora's Note:** There you go! Hope you like it! And a lot of weird things have been happening to me lately having to do with bananas…oh well!

Chapter 5 preview: "Bath time!"


	5. Bath Time

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took so long! Got a murder mystery to get goin' and had a family reunion to go to. Ha! Reunion! Ha ha! Anyway, thanks for those of you who have complimented my work by saying that Kadaj acts like a 5 or 6 year old. Yeah, I went to a coffee shop recently with my brother and the owner's 5 year old daughter became basically enamoured with my brother and acted a lot like Kadaj does. My brother…was sorta like Sephy, except for less mean. This little kid was seriously following him around everywhere and making him play Red Light, Green Light and I had to get her to let him go home. It was amusing.

A little bit of angst/sadness/drama at the end of this chapter. Most of the chappie is still complete humor, though.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the FFVII characters or places. I just own the plot line!

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

Chapter 5: Bath Time 

By the time they got back to Sephiroth's apartment, ate macaroni and cheese and cleaned the dishes, all three boys were filthy. Kadaj had made a mess with his macaroni, causing more of it to end up on his body than in his mouth. Not to mention the fact that he was still covered with much dust with his fall from earlier in the day. Loz was covered in dirt because he thought it would be fun to play in the flower bed outside the apartment. The landlord had brought him up to Sephiroth a little after he started. Yazoo was the cleanest of them all, being only slightly dirty from his time inside the air conditioner and who knows where in the grocery store.

Anyway, it was obvious they needed a bath…badly. But Sephiroth was beginning to wonder how to get all three boys into the bathtub without mayhem inssuing once more. He, personally, did _not_ want to have to get a new bathroom as well as new TV and stove. Sephiroth decided it had to be done, seeing as how otherwise he wouldn't be able to tell them from garbage in the near future if he didn't. He decided to approach Loz first, who seemed the most sensible.

"Loz, hey, can I talk to you for a sec?" Sephiroth said, mustering the nicest tone he could. Loz, bewildered, nodded and followed him into the kitchen.

"What is it, Dad?" Loz asked.

_Holy ! Do these kids really think I'm their dad just because I told the cashier that!_ Sephiroth thought.

"Uh, Loz, you and your brothers need a bath. Now, I don't know the best way to go about doing that, so I was hoping you'd help me," he explained. Loz scratched his head.

"What's a bath?" he questioned, genuinely confused. Sephiroth face-faulted.

"You…You know, where you get in a tub filled with water and use soap and shampoo to get all the dirt off you?"

"We never had anything like that!" Loz exclaimed. "Sounds fun!"

"Yes, well… I'll give you one, then you'll have to help me with Kadaj and then I'll get Yazoo cleaned up, okay?" Loz nodded eagerly.

Sephiroth took him to the bathroom, closed the door, started the water, and took off all of Loz's clothes. Loz climbed in the bathtub.

"Yea! This is fun!" he exclaimed, splashing Sephiroth with water. Sephiroth scowled, but once again mustered up his nicest face so Loz wouldn't start crying…again. Sephiroth shampooed Loz's hair, rinsed it and scrubbed all the dirt of him. He wrapped a towel around Loz after taking him out of the tub.

_Well that went well,_ Sephiroth thought contentedly. _Nothing got ruined. Maybe bath time won't be so bad after all._

He watched as Loz dried off and put on some clean clothes.

"Okay, Loz, let's go get Kadaj," he said. Loz paraded happily out of the bathroom, Sephiroth behind him.

"Kadaj! Kaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaaaj!" Loz called. The two walked into the living room. Yazoo was staring at the new toy Sephiroth had bought him, (a gun that could double as a sword). No sign of Kadaj. "Yazoo, you know where Kadaj went?" Yazoo stared up at them for a moment before shaking his head and looking back down at his toy.

Loz ran to the kitchen while Sephiroth kept an eye on Yazoo, praying the gun didn't have the capacity to shoot real bullets. Loz came back from the kitchen and shrugged. No sign of Kadaj in there either. Not in the bathroom, not in the living room, not in the kitchen. What about the game room? (A/N: Yes, Sephiroth has a game room in his apartment.)

There _were_ strange sounds coming from inside it. Sephiroth opened the door and stepped in. All the games were running. All 10,000 games were running! AT THE SAME TIME!

"This can't be good," Sephiroth mumbled. The lights dimmed once, twice, three times. Then the power went out.

Loz screamed. Sephiroth smacked his forehead.

"This is beginning to seem like a very bad horror movie."

Nonetheless, Sephiroth ran back to the living room. Loz was still screaming his head off. Sephiroth lit a candle and looked around. Loz stopped screaming. He and Yazoo were standing in the middle of the room. Still no sign of Kadaj.

"Uh, why don't you two stay here with the candle for light and I'll go find Kadaj," Sephiroth suggested. Loz nodded and Yazoo loaded his toy with the plastic clip it came with. Sephiroth sweat-dropped and headed back toward the laundry room.

He could barely make out the forms of the washer and dryer. Sephiroth tripped over a laundry basket as he entered the room and crashed into the washer.

"EEP!" screeched the washer. Sephiroth got up, rubbing his head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to do that," he apologized.

"'S OKAY!" shouted the washer.

"Well, I guess Kadaj isn't in… Wait a minute!" Sephiroth opened up the washer and there was Kadaj. "HEY! You aren't supposed to be in there!" Kadaj laughed nervously as Sephiroth pulled him out of the washer.

"Well, there's an interesting story behind that…let me tell ya," he began.

"No. Bath time. Now."

"BUT I DON' WANNA TAKE A BATH!"

"Loz, come help me give Kadaj a bath!" Loz shook his head.

"It's scary in here!" he protested. Sephiroth rolled his eyes and dragged a tantrum-throwing Kadaj into the bathroom. He took a very powerful, battery-operated lamp and set it on the sink while he started the water, closed the door, and got Kadaj out of his clothes.

"NO BATH! NO BATH! NO BATH! NO BATH! NO BATH!" Kadaj screamed.

(FFVII battle theme music begins playing.)

Sephiroth put him into the bathtub, only to have Kadaj splash around so much that all the water was beginning to end up _outside_ the tub. Sephiroth groaned. He _really_ didn't want to deal with 5-year-old made flood damage. Kadaj kicked out, hitting Sephiroth squarely on the chin. '45' appeared in white numbers over Sephiroth's head. Sephiroth used 'stop' on Kadaj, but missed. Kadaj somehow cast 'poison' but missed Sephiroth and cast it on himself instead. He bit Sephiroth's hand, causing '15' to appear in white numbers over Sephiroth's head. Sephiroth used 'water' and Kadaj was hit full force. Sephiroth used this opportunity to grab the shampoo and squirt it onto Kadaj. '78' appeared in white over Kadaj's head. The poison dealt another 8 and Kadaj was out.

Victory music plays!

Sephiroth washed Kadaj's hair and scrubbed him clean, dried him off and put clean clothes on him before using a phoenix down. Kadaj got back up and scowled at Sephiroth.

"I'm not talking to you anymore, Daddy!" he stated stubbornly. Sephiroth shrugged and picked him up. He took Kadaj back to the living room, put him down and picked Yazoo up. Yazoo clutched the toy gun and looked forlornly back at his brothers who waved at him sadly.

What? Did these kids think he was going to hurt them? What is wrong with them?

Yazoo offered no resistance, only silently clutched his gun. Sephiroth shrugged and took him into the bathroom and turned on the water once more. He slowly took Yazoo's clothes off.

(**A/N:** I just realized how wrong the bath time stuff could seem to some of the freaks out there. So if you're one of those sickos…EWWW! That's just gross! I don't write stuff like that!)

Yazoo flinched as his shirt came off. Sephiroth stopped and stared. All down the kids arms were scars and bruises. Neither Loz nor Kadaj had that! Well, the other two had minor scars on their backs or arms, but Sephiroth had only supposed that to be normal for kids, especially since the scars weren't deep. But this… On Yazoo's stomach and legs as well were deep scars. Some of the scrapes and scratches looked new. Sephiroth put Yazoo into the bath tub and scrubbed him clean, washing the kid's hair as well.

After that was done with, Sephiroth dried him off and set him on the toilet.

"Let's get those wounds cleaned up, okay?" he suggested softly. Yazoo just stared straight ahead.

Sephiroth got Neosporin (sp?) and hydrogen peroxide out along with some bandages and cotton swabs. He cleaned and disinfected all of the wounds before wrapping them with the bandages. After that was all done, he dressed Yazoo and let him out.

That would give Sephiroth something to worry about. No wonder these kids acted so strangely! He started to wonder whether he would actually give the kids back when the scientists wanted them. He wasn't paying attention and almost knocked into Yazoo.

"What?" he asked gently.

"Thank you," Yazoo whispered.

**

* * *

Author's note: Yea! Sorry for the sad part, but I was listening to sad music. Oh well. It wasn't _too_ sad. In fact, it was barely sad at all…I think… Anyway, next chapter will be an explanation on how Yazoo got the Velvet Nightmare and why we never see him reload it in the film. Think about it…** Yea! Sorry for the sad part, but I was listening to sad music. Oh well. It wasn't sad. In fact, it was barely sad at all…I think… Anyway, next chapter will be an explanation on how Yazoo got the Velvet Nightmare and why we never see him reload it in the film. Think about it… 

Suggestions are welcome.


	6. Velvet Nightmare

**Author's Note:** Lalalalala! I like ponies! Wait… WHAT AM I SAYING! AH!

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it.

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 6: Velvet Nightmare**

The rest of the day went _very_ well indeed. The landlord didn't fuss at Sephiroth once he found out that a little kid caused the power-outage. Besides, who could blame a cute little five year old?

The night went even better. All three were fed and tucked in by 9, (Sephiroth had decided not to care about Hojo's instructions). Yazoo even convinced him to read a bedtime story.

So it was that the silver haired man and silver haired boys woke on that Tuesday morning refreshed and undoubtedly happy.

Sephiroth whistled as he entered the living room. Kadaj ran up to him.

"DADDY! DADDY! YAZOO HAS A GUN!" he screamed happily, pointing in a wild frenzy toward his older brother. Sure enough, Yazoo has a gun, a toy gun. Sephiroth knelt down to be on level with Kadaj.

"Yeah, that's the toy gun I bought him yesterday. Remember?" he explained calmly.

"BUT IT SHOOTS!" Yazoo pulled the trigger and a suction-cupped dart flew at Sephiroth. Sephiroth dodged it. His eyes widened as he stared at the dart.

"I thought I specifically bought a toy that didn't shoot things!" he murmured to himself. Loz walked in carrying hot pockets. Sephiroth looked at him as if to say 'I told you not to cook things without me around.'

"But I just used the microwave!" Loz protested. Sephiroth nodded, inwardly admitting that microwaving things isn't really _cooking_ per say.

"I'm going to get the mail. I'll be right back," Sephiroth informed before walking out the door.

Loz offered Kadaj a Hot Pockettm and Kadaj readily took it. Loz then offered one to Yazoo. Yazoo stared for a moment, poked the thing, then shot it with one of his darts.

Loz and Kadaj stared in amazement.

"You're trigger happy," Loz said, yanking the toy gun away from his younger brother. Yazoo got the puppy dog eyes. "You know that only works on people other than us!" A tear slowly rolled down Yazoo's cheek. "Aw, c'mon, 'Zoo, don't pull that on me!" Yazoo sat down on the floor and stared up at Loz, puppy dog eyes in place and just the right amount of tears falling. "D-don't cry, Yazoo!"

Kadaj was stifling laughter. Yazoo kept up with his act.

"O-okay…Here you go, Yazoo, sorry I took it," Loz apologized, handing the toy back to Yazoo.

Suddenly, the door burst open and a strange person dressed in a ninja suit flipped in.

"Hiiya!" he screamed, striking a pose. "Now that Sephiross has left the apartment to go check the mail, I CAN KIDNAP YOU LITTLE FREAKS AND TAKE YOU BACK TO MASTER SHREDDER IN NEW YORK CITY!"

(**A/N**: Don't own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, though I might as well seeing as between my brother and I, we have basically the whole collection of their stuff.)

Kadaj screamed and reached for his toy sword. Loz threw the plate of Hot Pocketstm at the ninja. The ninja dodged the plate and knocked the toy sword out of reach. Yazoo flipped a switch on his gun and suddenly it became… A REAL GUN! (gasp!)

Yazoo fired the gun at the ninja, who was hit in the head and died instantly. Victory music played. Yazoo did not pose.

Kadaj looked at the blood pooling on the carpet.

"Woah, Yazoo, Daddy's gonna kill you!" he whispered in awe. "I WISH I KILLED THE NINJA!"

Sephiroth leapt into the room, grasping his mail. He reached for Masamune but stopped when he saw the body, the blood, the gun.

"How in the world? Where did you get that gun?" Sephiroth demanded. Yazoo pointed to the box that the toy gun came in. Sephiroth picked it up and read, "'Warning: Gun is liable to become real. Keep away from psychotic maniacs and children under 21…' WHAT THE HECK!" Yazoo pulled the trigger again. A little sign that said 'SORRY' on it popped out. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"CAN YAZOO KEEP THE GUN!" Kadaj asked. Sephiroth looked at the scene.

"No!" He took the gun from Yazoo and went to his room to hide it. Kadaj looked at his toy sword.

"I WONDER IF _MY _TOY CAN TURN REAL!" he said. He banged it on the ground a few times. "NOTHING'S HAPPENING!"

Yazoo knocked on Sephiroth's door. Sephiroth opened up and looked down at the kid.

"Yes?" he asked gently. Yazoo got the puppy dog eyes again. "Listen, that isn't going to work agai-… Here's your gun back!" Sephiroth handed Yazoo the gun again and Yazoo went happily back to the living room, clutching his gun.

* * *

**Aurora's Note:** I hope this was all right. I don't know, it was going to be really good, but then I got un-inspired. Next chapter is all about fish heads! 


	7. Fish Heads

**Author's Note:** Thanks to everybody who reviewed. And thanks to illwind for offering the appearance of this story in Italian. Wow! I never thought that would happen until _after_ I actually got a book published! Cool!

Just a little advertising for my other fics real quick: Convergence of Time is a Harry Potter/FF7 x-over, non-humor. (By the way, I'm only advertising my FF7 fics, not like I have any other active ones.) Behind the Demon is a FF7/Sailor Moon x-over…non-humor, co-authored with Niara A. Tepes, don't ask. And one last one is posted on Niara's account. It's Shinigami, a FF7/Gundam Wing x-over, non-humor though it will have some strictly humor chapters (such as Kadaj and Duo playing pranks on everybody and Yazoo's infamous cell phone camera), again, don't ask. I'll try to do some more strictly FF7 fics after this one…but, well, we'll see.

Also, I don't know exactly all the lyrics to the song and I'm too lazy to look it up '-- so I'm guessing on some of this.

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it…or the Fish Heads song.

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 7: Fish Heads**

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

Sephiroth clutched the side of his head as he lumbered out of his room. He remembered getting the mail, he remembered seeing a ninja dead on the living room carpet, he remembered taking Yazoo's gun away and going into his room, but what happened next?

Kadaj was squealing with laughter, Loz was laughing too. There was a strange popping sound coming from the living room.

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

"You think this is enough?" Loz hissed. Kadaj nodded, still laughing.

"Fifty-seven," Yazoo confirmed. Another _pop_.

_In the morning laughing happy fish heads, in the evening floating in the soup._

"What are you guys doing!" Sephiroth demanded groggily. He walked into the living room and gasped. The floor was covered in…

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

Tomatoes! What's more, the tomatoes weren't coming from the fridge or anything of the sort, they were popping out of Yazoo's gun whenever he pulled the trigger.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!" Sephiroth demanded.

_Ask a fish head anything at all, they won't answer, they can't talk._

Yazoo accidentally shot Sephiroth with a tomato. He dropped his head in shame and clutched his gun. Sephiroth glared at him. Yazoo pulled the trigger and a little sign popped out that read, 'I'm sorry.' A question mark appeared over Sephiroth's head but disappeared soon afterward.

"What is wrong with that gun?" he asked.

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

Kadaj scowled and jumped to his feet.

"HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YAZOO'S GUN! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!" he screamed. Sephiroth backed up.

"Woah, woah, hold it!" he said nervously.

_I took a fish head out to see a movie. Didn't have to pay to get it in._

"I just want to know what the heck you guys are doing to my living room!" Loz smiled. "Well?"

"WE'RE MAKING KATSUP!" Kadaj screamed happily. Sephiroth sweat dropped.

"There's katsup in the fridge."

"WE KNOW!"

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

"Then _why_ are you making katsup?"

"BECAUSE THE KATSUP IN THE FRIDGE TRIED TO FORCE-FEED ME BANANAS!" A question mark appeared over Sephiroth's head.

"So…How is he doing that?" Sephiroth asked, pointing to Yazoo.

_They can't play baseball, they don't wear sweaters, they're not good dancers, they don't play drums._

All three children shrugged.

"Well… I don't want katsup in my living room."

_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_

Yazoo tugged on Sephiroth's coat. Sephiroth looked down at him.

"What?"

Yazoo pulled the trigger of his gun and a sign popped out that read, 'Do you hear that song too?'

"Song? What song?"

_Fish heads aren't seen drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants with oriental women!_

"THAT SONG!" Kadaj shouted.

"You mean…"

"_Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum! Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum! Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum! Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up yum!_" Kadaj and Yazoo sang quietly.

"You know, you two have this weird dissonant harmony," Loz informed.

**Aurora's Note:** I know, I took the easy way out on this. Oh well. Sorry it's taking so long to get these chapters out, but I'm busy turning my house into the FF7 world for my murder mystery party.


	8. Icing

**Author's Note:** Thanks to everybody who reviewed. I'm surprised I have more reviews on this than any other fic. Sorry it took me so long, but the murder mystery occupied me. I was Yazoo! XD 'Twas a very good costume.

This was originally going to be a really depressing chapter, then I came up with a better idea! Hope it's not way too random. I seem to be making this a very Yazoo centered fic. Sorry about that. This chapter may have something to do with the plot.

Wait…I have a plot! O.O

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it…or FFX

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 8: Icing?**

"How would you guys like to make a cake?" Sephiroth inquired. Yazoo stared at him as if to ask, 'What's a cake?'

"I WANNA CAKE! I WAN' ONE!" Kadaj screamed happily. Then he paused for a moment. "What's a cake?" Loz grinned.

"Cakes are good! Are we gonna make one?" he commented.

"Yes, we're making a cake. Here's the cake mix and icing, let's get to work!" Sephiroth said, setting the mentioned objects on the counter. Loz bounced over to the pantry and pulled out four aprons, all bright pink with the words 'I (heart) Mother' on them. He put one on and handed one to each of the others. Now all four silver haired guys had the pink aprons on.

Sephiroth instructed each child to bring him however much of the needed ingredients he needed and they complied happily. Granted, when he asked Kadaj to bring him three eggs Kadaj brought him three egg _cartons_, and when he asked Yazoo to get him one and one third cups of water Yazoo filled up three glasses of water. Loz seemed to be the only one who understood cooking.

So Kadaj skipped merrily around the kitchen, waving his plastic sword wildly in the air and singing off key, Yazoo stood in the doorway and watched while Loz and Sephiroth finished mixing the cake and putting it into the newly bought oven.

"Now to wait for about thirty minutes for it to bake," Sephiroth said. Yazoo stared at the icing container. He looked up at Sephiroth questioningly. "That's icing. We put it on the cake when it's done."

Yazoo cocked his head to the side and grabbed the container. Sephiroth sighed and helped Kadaj out of his apron. Yazoo opened the container and peered down at the swirly chocolate mass. Loz took off his apron and walked over to his younger brother.

"Uh, Yazoo? What are you going to do with that?" he asked worriedly. Yazoo dipped his hand down into the container and scooped out the whole of the icing.

"NO!" Sephiroth yelled. But it was too late. Yazoo shoved the icing into his mouth and swallowed. The container was without a spot of icing still in it.

"'Zoo? You okay?" Loz asked carefully. Yazoo stared at his older brother a moment.

"I LIKE TRAINS!" he shouted suddenly. Then he was quiet again. He took off his apron and gave it to Loz.

"This can't be good," Sephiroth murmured. Kadaj glared at Yazoo.

"Hey! That icing was going to be for the cake! You can' have it all! Give it back!" he shouted. Yazoo burst out laughing maniacally.

"Icing! Icing! Icing! Icing!" he sang excitedly.

"Oh great, now I have to go get more!" Sephiroth groaned.

"Where does icing come from?" Yazoo asked, suddenly calm. Loz shrugged.

"The store, I think," he replied. Then he realized his mistake. Yazoo broke into a grin that greatly resembled Kadaj's and ran out the door.

"Now you've done it! Come one, we've got to catch him!" Sephiroth ordered.

He, Loz, and Kadaj jumped into his car and took off down the road, amazed at how fast Yazoo was going. Heck, that kid had out run every car on the road!

In minutes, however, the three reached the grocery store.

They dashed in and ran to the cake isle. The sight that met their eyes was devastating.

Every single container of icing was completely empty. Yazoo bounced up and down perpetually.

"ILIKETRAINS! ILIKETRAINS! ILIKETRAINS! KIWI! NO MORE KIWI! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NINJA PANCAKES!" he screamed. He then began _literally_ bouncing off the walls.

Sephiroth watched in amazement.

"MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! STEREOPHONIC RHINOS!"

Suddenly, Yazoo passed out on the floor. Sephiroth gave a sigh of relief and went to collect his "son."

"I cannot let you take this boy! I shall make him my heir!" a blue-haired creep stated, picking up Yazoo from the ground.

"Seymour?" Sephiroth asked. The blue-haired man nodded.

"Yes, it is I, Seymour!"

"Wait…you aren't even supposed to be here! You're supposed to be on Spira! That, and this is the Final Fantasy _VII_ universe, you're from Final Fantasy X."

"Oh, you're quite right, Seph. Sorry about that. Here's your son back!" The blue man disappeared, leaving Yazoo on the ground.

**

* * *

Aurora's Note: Hope you liked it!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Once again, thanks to reviewers! Sorry it's taking so long. I actually have a plot now. Yes, a plot. (you: GASP! fall over in shock) Anyway, have fun! And if you guys wanna see more Seymour in it, you'll have to tell me his character and background so I won't completely mess it up. Never played FFX in my whole entire life…though I might get to soon.

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it…

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 9**

Sephiroth glowered at the unconscious Yazoo. Kadaj came up beside him and looked up at Sephiroth.

"Is Yazoo dead?" he asked, eyes welling with tears. Loz joined them.

"No, stupid, he's asleep!" Loz brilliantly deducted. Sephiroth sighed and picked Yazoo up. Just then, the store's manager walked over to them.

"Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to pay for the icing your son ate," he stated sternly. Sephiroth clenched his teeth and resisted the urge to grab Masamune and chop the guy's head off. Instead, he straightened up and waved a hand in front of the guy's eyes.

"I don't have to pay for the icing," he droned. The man's eyes became wide and empty.

"You don't have to pay for the icing," he repeated.

"You suddenly have the urge to give me a free box of Cheerios for my inconvenience."

"Here are your free Cheerios, sir."

"You won't mention this to anyone."

"I won't mention this to anyone."

"Have a ni-… KADAJ! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING!"

"Have a nice day…" The manager lumbered away.

"FREE CEREAL! FREE CEREAL!" Kadaj chanted, jumping on cereal boxes and tearing them open to find the toy inside. Sephiroth grabbed him, Yazoo, and Loz and barreled out the door.

In seconds, the four were home again.

**Aurora's note:** Sorry it took me so long to get this one out and sorry it's so short, but I can't make it any longer due to the plot. Anyway, suggestions for gags are welcome!


	10. HOSPITALS!

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait. I had to start school back again…and I still hate science. One other reason it's been so long is my Word program keeps messing up. I need to get an upgrade. Ugh… By the way, thanks to the anonymous user delavega for the inspiration for this chapter. I'll probably be using a lot of the suggestions. Anyway, the FFX disk I got is too scratched up to play so ;(. Have fun!

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it…

**Babysitting?**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 10: HOSPITALS!**

"He's still not awake," Loz informed for about the hundredth time that night. Sephiroth shook with anger as he iced the cake.

"IS HE DEAD DADDY!" Kadaj screamed. Sephiroth bit his lip and washed his hands, walking over to where Loz and Kadaj were standing over Yazoo afterward.

"I already told you. He's not dead, he's just sleeping. He ate too much sugar and that's what happens. Let this be a lesson to both of you," Sephiroth said.

"BUT IT'S BEEN ELEVENDY-TWO HOURS!" Kadaj argued.

"Yeah, and he's never slept for- Kadaj! There's no such thing as 'elevendy-two.' What are you? Five?" Loz teased, laughing shortly after.

"Loz, Kadaj _is_ five," Sephiroth deadpanned.

"YEAH, LOZ, YOU BIG STUPID-HEAD!" Kadaj screamed. Loz scowled at Kadaj.

"Boys, no fighting, especially when your brother's comatose," Sephiroth chided. They stopped.

…

……

………

……

…

"Wait…YAZOO'S COMATOSE!" Sephiroth exclaimed. "OHMY_GOSH_ I'VE GOT TO GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL! **_TO THE HOSPITAL_**!" Sephiroth ran to the open window and jumped out, as if to fly. He held up a sign that read 'Yipes' and fell to his impending doom. Seconds later he was back in the room. "Okay, let's try this again. **_TO THE HOSPITAL_**!" He grabbed all three kids and dashed down the stairs, got in the car, and drove 9,999,999,999,999.456 miles per hour over the 55 mph speed limit.

Kadaj screamed joyously.

Loz cried.

Yazoo's head lulled to the side.

Sephiroth thought about his beloved Hello Kitty collection.

They reached the hospital.

"WHAT'S A HOSPITAL!" Kadaj asked as they pulled up.

"It's a place where sick people go to get well. Kinda like a doctor's office only for more serious things," Sephiroth explained as he un-seat-belted Yazoo and picked him up.

They walked in and were greeted by the receptionist.

"Oh, hey Seph. And who are these cute widdle guys?" she greeted, quickly switching to her baby voice when she saw Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo.

"Oh, hey…(what was her name again? Oh yeah)…Brandy. Yeah. They're…uh…um…my…well, let's see, how to explain this…they're my…sons?" Sephiroth said quickly, then closed his eyes and waited for the impending…

"YOU HAVE KIDS!"

_**WHAP!**_

Sephiroth lifted his hand to his now red, stinging cheek.

"Well…yeah… Anyway, this one's comatose and needs some kind of care. Not quite sure what yet."

"YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE SINGLE!"

_**WHAP!**_

"I **_AM_**!"

_**WHAP!**_

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LIES, SEPHY-KUN! WE'RE DONE!"

"Did we ever have a relationship to begin with?"

_**WHAP!**_

"DADDY! WHY IS THE MEAN LADY SLAPPING YOU?" Kadaj asked as innocently as is possibly for Kadaj to ask.

"MEAN LADY! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A- I mean, Hello, what's your name little guy?" the receptionist said, smiling in her sick-sweet way. Kadaj screamed and whacked her with his toy sword.

"THE MEAN LADY'S TRYING TO TURN ME TO A PUMPKIN!" he screamed, still whacking the receptionist. Loz was confused and Sephiroth had fallen to the floor in laughter. Yazoo still lay comatose.

"Vat's all theeeze ru_kas_?" Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog, demanded as he hopped into the room. Yazoo's eyes shot open. He sat up and pulled out his toy-turned-real gun. He shot a suction-cup dart thingy at Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog. "AHH! THEEZE SUC_TION_ CUP! EET 'URT MA FACE! _ribbit_"

"Yazoo! You're awake!" Loz rejoiced.

"KILL THE GIANT FROGGY!" Kadaj screamed, jumping at Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog. Sephiroth grabbed him from the air.

"Uh, that's not necessary, Kadaj. And since Yazoo's all better, we'll be going now. Sorry for all the trouble we've caused you, Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog," Sephiroth said quickly, grabbing the three boys and dashing back out to his car.

"COME BACK 'ERE!" the doctor shouted running after the car. "SEPHIROSS! YOU VILL PAY FOR THEEZE!" A plan formed in Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog,'s mind. He would become an evil villain…AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD. And then, then he would take Sephiroth's role as main bad-guy in the Final Fantasy VII. Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog, laughed maniacally and Brandy the receptionist groaned in pain.

---

**Author's note:** Okay, I'm going to try to update this fic and my HP x-over one every weekend. No promises though.


	11. Go to WHAT!

**Aurora's note:** Sorry it's been so long. School's been in the way. Well, that and I've been playing a lot of DoC when I get the chance. Thanks to all you who reviewed. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it…

**Babysitting**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 11: Go to WHAT?!**

Sephiroth let out a sigh of relief. After an action-packed chase scene in which Dr. Jaques Von Schtorkenheimer, the famous French-German physician who traveled the world in search of never-ending molasses but turned back on find that he liked chocolate much better and was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the Diagonals and became a high-school girl's finger, then broke the curse and was turned into a giant frog tried desperately to capture the three silver haired children by riding a combination chocobo/moogle while Kadaj stole a pack of bubble gum and Loz drove the get-away car, they had finally reached Sephiroth's apartment where there is a special materia that prevents frogs and rabid fangirls from getting in.

(**A/N:** Gasp! That was a nightmare. Anyway…)

However, after Sephiroth got them all up there, locked the door and let out a sigh of relief, he realized there was someone else in the apartment. He crept forward slowly, grabbing his ridiculously long Masamune in the process, ready to slice the intruder in half if he could.

"HEY! THERE'S SOMEONE EATING MY PANCAKES!" Kadaj screamed angrily. Leave it to Kadaj…

"Kadaj, we didn't even _have_ pancakes this morn- HOLY COW!" Loz shrieked. Yazoo stared blankly at the front door. Sephiroth darted into the kitchen.

"CLOUD STRIFE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BRINGING A FARM INTO MY KITCHEN?!" Sephiroth screamed, sighting the chocobo-haired swordsman eating pancakes beside a holy cow (as in, it had served at Vincent and Barret's target practice). Cloud held up a finger and swallowed.

"(gulp)…Well, as a ShinRa employee, I was directed to tell you that…OH MY GOSH! YOU HAVE KIDS?" Cloud yelled, jumping up and pointing at Loz and Kadaj like they were some kind of mini-monsters. Sephiroth shook his head and smacked Cloud.

"What did ShinRa want to tell me?" he demanded.

"The kids have to go to school," Cloud said, monotone, before riding on the cow back out of the holy he'd made in the kitchen wall to get and off the Bill's Chocobo Farm.

Sephiroth sunk into his chair and laid his head in his arms. School? The kids had to go to school? This was going to be a nightmare…

"WHAT'S SCHOOL!" Kadaj screamed, tugging on Sephiroth's hair. Sephiroth glared and took his beloved hair from the 5-year-old's grasp. He stroked it possessively before standing up.

"It's a place they put kids to learn mostly useless stuff that you'll never use and it tortures you for the rest of eternity," Sephiroth answered curtly. The three children stared at him blankly.

…

"So…who wants to go watch a movie?!" Loz suggested. Kadaj was enthused by the idea, so the two dragged the thoroughly confused Yazoo into the living room and turned on the TV.

Sephiroth shook his head and pulled out a list of local elementary schools.

"Let's see… 'Kuja's Academy for the Superiorly Gifted'," Sephiroth read. "Like I'm sending them there, 'superiorly' isn't even a word! Hmm… 'Seymour's Seminary for Soaring Students.' So do they have to fly? Uh… 'Super Villain Prep School.' That was a terrible place when I went there. Ah! Here's a good one! 'Midgar Elementary.' I'll just send them there tomorrow."

"DADDY! THERE'S A SCARY BLUE-HAIRED MAN HERE TO EAT THE COUCH!!" Kadaj screamed from the living room. Sephiroth sighed and walked in.

"Seymour, are you trying to eat my couch _again_?" Sephiroth demanded, spying the maester with his teeth sunk into the black leather couch. Seymour shook his head. "GET YOUR TEETH OUT OF THAT YOU SICKO!" Seymour did as directed.

"But it tastes like plums," he countered, looking down in shame.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! GET OUT OF MY-"

---

**Aurora:** Sorry! A cliff hanger. But by next Saturday night, you should ALL know what happens! (smiles sweetly) Review, but please don't flame.

Also, a little ad for upcoming fanfics:

_Fabulous Furuba Academy_: This will be a crossover with Final Fantasy VII and Fruits Basket written with a friend who does not have an account. Yes, scary, I know. But it'll be fun. The gist of it is that AVALANCHE (minus Red and Yuffie) and some of the Sohmas (as well as Tohru) get turned into preschoolers and well…you'll see what happens. It's a YukiXTohru pairing and the two main characters are Vincent and Yuki.

_Hibe:_ Sequel to FFA (see above), written with Niara. It's a lot more serious. Ayame's got a strange secret that pertains to a certain red-caped gunman and AVALANCHE is dying to know more. In the midst of all this, some DG (this is post-DoC) forces have managed to survive. And what do they do? Go after Vincent, of course.

_Bloody Valentine_: About Vincent's Turk days. Written alone.

_Never Meant To Be_: That's the working title, at least. It's a short Clerith. Don't know how good I'll be at writing Spikey, but I'll try my best.

None of the ones I'm putting up alone will be started until after this or Convergence of Time is done. None of my crossovers will be posted (except for maybe FFA) until either Behind the Demon or Shinigami is done.


	12. Midgar Elementary

**Aurora's note:** Physics…too…hard… Losing…creative…stimulus… Must…be…RANDOM!!!!!! Sorry. Physics is really hard and it's been keeping me from writing as much as I'd like. HOWEVER!!! This is my last week of school. You can expect at least one update a week, I swear. SERIOUSLY!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it…

**Babysitting**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 12: Midgar Elementary**

"GET OUT OF MY-!" Sephiroth started.

"Window?" Loz suggested.

"No, no, no, NO! GET OUT OF MY-!"

"Living room?" Seymour suggested.

"NO! …Well, yes, but: GET OUT OF MY-!"

"PIZZA!" Kadaj shouted happily.

"Noooooooo. GET OUT OF MY-!" Sephiroth turned and looked at Yazoo, expecting _him_ to say something too. However, the little guy simply sat, still staring at the front door. "Good. Now, Seymour, GET OUT OF MY-!"

"Duck," Yazoo whispered.

"Duck? DUCK?! I DON'T HAVE A-!"

"No, Sephiroth, he means: DUCK!!!!!!!!!!" Seymour shouted, diving behind the couch for cover.

Kadaj and Loz, tired of Sephiroth's incessant yelling, had started a water balloon fight. Much to Sephiroth's dismay, as he turned a split second too late, Kadaj had thrown a water balloon at Loz who had jumped out of the way, and now it came hurdling toward our favorite SHM. He flailed and screamed in one of those cliched high-pitched tones as the balloon exploded in his face.

The next thing anyone knew, Seymour was falling, fast, toward the pavement, out of the now broken window of Sephiroth's 5th floor apartment, Kadaj and Loz were both getting spankings, and Yazoo was watching TV.

---(Next morning)---

"Loz! Yazoo! Kadaj! Wake up! Time for school!" Sephiroth called, sighing as Loz moaned and turned in his half-sleep. Sephiroth went back to the kitchen, cooking eggs and toast as he heard the boys, one-by-one, walk into the room. Turning, he placed three plates of pancakes on the table.

"Now," he started, "you three will be going to your first day of elementary today. I want you to follow what the teachers say and make sure you behave. All right?"

"All right," Kadaj and Loz agreed in unison. Yazoo stared.

"Good. Now eat. The bus should be here in a few minutes."

The three ate quickly and soon were out the door as a yellow school bus pulled up outside. Sephiroth watched them go, then went inside to enjoy some time alone.

---

"Can anyone tell me the answer to two plus two?" the teacher asked in an all-too-cheery tone.

The bus ride had been okay. Kadaj had beaten up three kids in the five minutes it took to get from the apartment to the school. But now he was bored. He'd begun drawing on his desk and was barely paying attention.

"Kadaj, can you tell be the answer?" the teacher asked sweetly.

He felt the whole class looking at him, so he looked up and stared at the board a moment.

"FOUR!" he shouted before returning to his work on the desk.

"Very good, Kadaj, you get a treat. Do you want a pencil, a piece of gum, or an eraser?" the teacher asked. Kadaj looked up again.

"Oooooooo! ERASER!!" he shouted. The teacher smiled and handed him the eraser.

He put it in his mouth and chewed, going back to his work.

"Oh my goodness! Kadaj, you'd better spit that out right now!" the teacher exclaimed, very disturbed.

Kadaj looked up at her. "WHY?"

"It's not good for you!"

Kadaj swallowed.

"Oh no! Bobby, go get the nurse!"

Kadaj shrugged as another boy ran out of the room. He thought the eraser was a little bland, but he didn't get why anyone would think that it was _bad_ for him.

He went back to his work and tuned out the teachers worried rants. Pretty soon the boy returned with a lady dressed all in white.

"What's wrong, Miss Johnson?" the nurse asked.

"Kadaj swallowed an eraser!"

"Oh no! Kadaj, honey, are you okay?"

"I LIKE CHOCOLATE."

"Oh my goodness! It seems the eraser has impaired his mental capacity! It's worse than we thought!"

"WATERMELON!"

"Apparently, the eraser is forcing him to randomly scream out nonsensical phrases!"

"I WANT A LLAMA!"

"Don't worry, Kadaj, we'll get you all better soon!"

"BUT I'M FINE!"

"No you're not, you swallowed an eraser."

"NO, I ATE AN ERASER!" He crossed his arms, defiant, annoyed.

"Well, I really don't see how the two are very far off. The point is you have an eraser inside of you right now."

"WHY?"

"Because you swallowed it."

"WHY?"

"I'm not sure."

"WHY?"

"Because I'm not you."

"WHY?"

"Because I'm me."

"WHY?"

"I don't know."

"WHY?"

"That's it! You are a menace to society! I'm sending you home right now, young man!"

"WHY?"

"AHHHH!!!" The nurse ran out of the room, screaming.

TBC… 

**Author's note:** Hey! That's chappie 12. I'll try to put up another chapter by the end of the week. Next week I'll be out of town, but that means extra chapters the week after. Sorry it's taken so long and sorry this is so short. Next chapter will focus on Yazoo and Loz.


	13. Umm?

**Author's Note:** Hey! Right now I'm probably at camp and my awesome friend Kanna is posting this for me. Have fun with the 13th chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it…

**Babysitting**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**Chapter 13: Midgar Elementary(2)**

Yazoo stared vacantly down at the paper in front of him. Everyone else in the class had already started the assignment, but nothing that the teacher had said had gotten through to him.

"Are you okay?" the teacher asked, frowning as he came up to his desk. Yazoo slowly looked up at him, then slowly looked back down at the paper. "Do you need help?"

He cocked his head to one side and continued to stare at the paper.

"Here, let me help you," the teacher sighed. He squatted down beside Yazoo's desk and placed his hand gently on his shoulder.

If there was one thing in the world that would set Yazoo off, it was that. A stranger, even a nice one like the teacher, touching him. He pushed him away, panic evident in his wide eyes. However, once he had stumbled back and hit the bookcase, Yazoo seemed fine. In fact, he turned back to his blank paper and stared down at it once more.

"What was that for?!" the teacher demanded.

Yazoo didn't reply, or, indeed, respond at all. So the teacher got up and tried again…with the exact same results.

Well, at this point, the whole class was watching with extreme interest. What was the teacher going to do? And what the heck was up with this weirdo with the silver hair? 

Almost as if he heard their last question, Yazoo glared pointedly around the room before assuming his vacant gaze again and staring down at the paper.

"That's it! I'm calling the councilor!" the teacher shouted. He stormed out of the room. 

Several minutes later the teacher returned with a woman who looked much more calm and together.

"What's going on, Mr. Norris?" the councilor asked serenely.

"Yazoo is blatantly disrespecting me!" Mr. Norris bit out.

"All right then," the councilor said airily. She made her way over to Yazoo. "Let's talk about your feelings. Why are you disrespecting the teacher?"

Green and blue met chocolate brown in a staring contest that neither seemed willing to lose. The smile on the woman's face did not fade.

"C'mon, you know you want to talk about it."

Yazoo simply stared back at her blankly. 

"Please?"

No response.

"Aw, c'mon!!" 

Still nothing.

"That's it! I've had it! I quit!" the councilor screamed as she stormed out the door.

"But you can't quit!" Mr. Norris protested, perplexed as he followed her.

A sly smile slid onto Yazoo's face. Oh yes, he would have control of this school in no time flat. His classmates stared at the door, then back at him, then back at the door.

_'First step, this classroom, next step, this school, after that, this city, then, THE WHOLE WORLD!!!'_ he thought as his face turned expressionless once more.

**Author's Note:** Thanks for readin'! Who'da thunk? (yes, I'm Texan and I can use those phrases whereever I darn well please, thanks.) Yes, Yazoo's a maniacal genius. More to come from that in later chapters. I'll write longer ones after I get back from camp!


End file.
